Everyone who knows me, knows that I love butterflies. I love their grace and I love their delicate yet bold being. I never really embraced my boldness because I was too afraid to be. Others would see the delicate part and of course; I would allow them to take advantage of that. I just didn’t know I could be both; but I Am.
I was born first, so that makes me the eldest; right? Being born first, most people would assume, you take on responsibility with ease and great confidence. So, why in the world has it taken me so darn long to embrace that? I remember one day my “little sister“ making a comment to me that just passionately angered me. It angered me to the point that it made me rise up and take back my authority that was given to me before the foundation of this world. My son made a statement that she and I had the same car and we were living in the same apartment complex at the time. So my little big sister’s response to that was “and all she did was be born first”. I absolutely started to examine myself, my decisions and my life at that point; and I refuse to “Just Be Born First”. I was that “big little sister” that she stood up for against everybody and anybody. When something was unfair to me, I didn’t have enough courage to rise up and speak up for myself.
Since making this drastic decision to move from my homeland of Alabama, get a divorce and reclaim my identity; the challenges of keeping the momentum going are still challenges. I can attest to some of those fights with my past fears of standing up for myself, I‘ve been able to step into the ring and finish with a knockout. Yep, leaving my past fears out for the count. Not to say that all of them have been victories, but in some instances, fear was able to stack up enough points leaving me to stumble out of the ring with a black eye and a bruised jaw. Yep, my Cut Man being God, my Trainer and Assistant Trainer being God; but in some of those fights I was not listening. I would get back into the fight and get smacked around some more.
God has always had a plan for His first born, and I intend to live it out! From now until the day I take my last breath, Carla Dulaney will fight to win and no longer fight to prove anything.
Fighting to win includes confidence and giving more power to who you are and who you were born to be. Muhammad Ali said it best, “I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was”. Confidence, is an acknowledgement that gives power to what may not be evident at the time. I don’t believe Muhammad tried to prove anything, he just was. Fighting to prove always takes a lot out of you; it takes more energy to prove others wrong than just being. Being is a posture, it is a position that one takes, it is an absolute stance! You are, so therefore BE!
Love You Always,
Carla Mashell Dulaney