A Camoed Kinda Love

Perfect Love cast out FEAR! A relaxed love. A love without fear and worry. A love that REST on “all things will work for my good”. A patient love. A perfected love knows that it will work out alright. I can just melt and shout all over myself because as a woman whose only experience with love was always based in fear. Fear of what man could do to me, so I was whatever he wanted me to be. Fear of what people would say about me, so I would have been whatever I needed to be to please them. But what I awakened to today is that, I am such a lover of people that I often would love them so much that I would rush in to save them; while never being designated as a saviour. If a person comes into my life (whether I felt it was divine or not) I would take on the responsibility of trying to protect them; so I thought. And when things appeared to be in disarray or they came to me in tears; I wanted to control the outcome of that person’s life. Ooooooo Buddy, I called myself serving someone else’s circumstance notices “I am Carla and I have super powers”. “Girl please, girl bye and bye Felicia” are the notices I serve myself today to remind me that I am not strong enough to live my life and somebody else’s. I came out alright (figuring it all out with the Lord) and they will too.

Revelation came to me today as I was standing at the phone booth to go in and throw on my super cape. CONTROL CAN CAMOUFLAGE ITSELF AS LOVE! According to Wikipedia, there are many reasons a chameleon camouflages itself but more commonly, to regulate their temperatures and for social signaling. It’s like love is the chameleon and fear is the mechanism within us that triggers the desire to control. And really what happens is, it gets out of control. Picture a chameleon overwhelmed with fear, oh my! Think about how many times it will camouflage itself and eventually adapt to fearful conditions but IN FEAR. Fear and survival became a lifestyle for me; I’d become accustomed to fear and worry. Jumping to save a situation because I thought I possessed control. Convincing myself overtime, it was because I was loving others like God says to love them. Love them “assssssssssssssssssssssss” you love yourself.

It is rather disturbing to sit back and watch your loved one go through and all you can do is try to rush in to save them. But I am reminded of God’s love for us; perfect love casts out fear according to John, who was one of the closest to Jesus. So he knew first hand the burden of watching someone he loved suffer so much injustice. Loving someone truly is stepping back and evaluating your OWN perceptions and fears about their suffering. What looks like pain to you may be the very thing that they have chosen to accept and grow through. And yeah, there are those who whine to you about their trial and even try and make you feel guilty for not rushing in. But again, evaluate yourself and if we want it; we’ll develop the boldness to say no.

As mothers, as fathers, as friends, as spouses, as daughters and sons we fear what happens to those we love. But the key word is fear, life is full of the things that grow and develop us. It just is! My babies are adults now and it’s still a challenge accepting what they must develop and grow through. I have to stay upstairs or on my roof to ensure sometimes that I don’t stand at the phone booth and come out caped up or should I say “camouflaged in control“ up! They are going to be alright! Sister those you love so much are going to be alright; KNOW THAT! Brother, I know how much you want to protect them but they will be just fine; KNOW THAT!

We are all infused with love. We were born in it, with it and it flows automatically from us. However, it can be overshadowed by worry and fear and we’ll start to operate from that place; yielding no fruit, only weariness and stress. But love, I’ve found just flows genuinely and smoothly like a river; no force at all. Love bears fruit, fruit of joy and absolute peace.

Living Simply, Without Force & Loving You Always

Carla Mashell Dulaney

Photo by Carla Dulaney @Trinity River Trails

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