I’ve been auditing water consumption accounts for a year now for the city’s water company and it’s been an interesting little ride. I like doing what I do, because I get to investigate whether a customer is having a meter issue or if the patterns of consumption have changed over time in order to determine leaks. As a writer, I’ve come to realize that I am an Investigator. Pretty soon, I’ll be bringing material that I’ve built up enough courage to investigate. Right now though, I’m bringing you the good news of investigating my self and this journey I’ve been privileged to grow in.
The biggest part of the audit is the “Zero Consumption Accounts”. These require me to investigate whether there is lack of communication from the meter and the flow of the water. The house may be vacant or the meter has stopped and I then would create an investigation for our crew to check it out. Well, it got me to thinking today about my life, my former marriage and my future relationships. Something was missing, either I was vacant or my “meter” (motivation to do) had stopped in the marriage. Something was missing in my life, either I was vacant or my “meter” (motivation to do) had stopped to take care of other folk. I refuse to let this pattern continue in my life, in my relationships or in my next marriage/relationship. So I’ve been doing some investigations on this journey and doggone it I’m gonna be honest about everything. It’s always been scarey to be honest because I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings or be looked at as a bad christian; so I would just shut up and shut down. And my meter stopped and I would eventually become vacant; if you will. There was always either miscommunication or non at all. I would just pray about it and hope it would JUST CHANGE. As a Deacon’s Wife, I didn’t do what the Bible was saying that “Faith without works is dead”. It didn’t register, I guess because at the same time Jesus in red letters said “if you believe in your heart and not doubt you can have whatever you say”. I was just gone stand on that one and wait for the mountain to move and be casted in the sea.
There is nothing like a two way conversation; being heard and listening. Investigations consist of both asking questions and listening for answers. When the work orders come back from the “Zero Consumption Investigations“, the resolution would be to either change the meter or let it be, since the house is vacant or the meter is not in use. But at least we’ve done our part. When we figure out what’s causing the disturbance in our own lives, create a work order (talk about it), ask questions and come to a resolution to figure out what to DO to fix it. We cannot go back and change what we failed to do, either out of ignorance, fear or stubbornness; but we can make a choice to put in the work necessary to do better in order to be better. And do what John Mayer sang and “say whatcha need to say”, “even if your hands are shaking”; “even if your faith is broken”.
Love Always
Carla Mashell Dulaney.
No Need for Appraisal 