Yes, Carla and dogs are communicating here lately.  Ever since I can remember, I have been afraid of dogs.  There was one dog in the projects named “Killa”, that chased children ever so often.  I would hear the stories from others and how not to pass by this particular set of apartments, because its owner would let him loose to kill children.  Yes, that did it for me, I wasn’t going that way.  But of course, later on in my childhood, I had to get chased by somebody’s dog even if it wasn’t “Killa”.  That was the most frightening experience of my life, I was literally running for my life!  Thinking back on it, it was also the funniest thing ever too!  To top my fear of dogs, I was later tormented by dogs from then my abuser who knew of my fear of dogs.  But because fear was the main factor of why I stayed; that was another source of keeping me bound.  I had no say in another mouth to feed, another child to train and another child to clean up after.  But what I have come to realize at this point in my life, is that I tormented myself; because I was afraid of dogs.  When we are afraid of something, we will allow ourselves to be tormented by the fear.  The fear will keep us from fully enjoying life or an experience.  I refused to entertain the idea of getting a dog after I left that relationship.  The boys always wanted a dog; but Santerrica was afraid as I was.  Once I got married again and gained two daughters, one of them had a heart for animals.  Iman’s mom finally embraced the idea of her getting a dog and when she came for weekend visits, Bree was of course coming.  So that forced me to face my fear of dogs; but definitely now from a place of genuine love.  Bree is now a part of the whole family and even Santerrica loves her.

Fear has torment, but perfect love casts out fear!  I completely understand.  Since I have been on this journey at 44, it’s been all about facing fears and not allowing myself to be tormented by them.  Facing my fears have brought career changes, new friends and new experiences.  I am looking forward to even more!



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